is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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