All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
