I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm always down for nudity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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