So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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