Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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