Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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