Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
