Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
