Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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