Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
