Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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