Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
