Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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