I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
