i permit you to call me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?