Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.