its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just pee around me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner