At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...