I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
