hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
