I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
