I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
