I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I checked into jail on foursquare
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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