He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
