I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
