Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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