Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
