You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
