Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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