U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
