if i can run in heels then i can drive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have tasted many bathrooms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
