The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
