There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
did i just pee glitter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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