why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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