As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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