it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
