come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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