I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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