1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
