The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
