My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize