bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
