I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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