If that was your dad, he is hot
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
