my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
