$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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