Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
