This is not my ceiling
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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