how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
