i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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