if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
