We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
