Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
