Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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