All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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