Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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