I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
