Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
false alarm. still invincible.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
