when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
