New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
