your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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