A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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