Whod you bang
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The Olympian is in my bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize