just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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