About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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