I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
